Monday, November 23, 2015

Good Question

Why Does Global Warming Only Turn Muslims Into Terrorists?

"Global warming is the cause of terrorism in the Middle East and around the world according to Martin O’Malley, Bernie Sanders, Barack Obama, and other Democrats. Let’s add in the Prince of Wales. With a straight face they make this claim, ignoring any and all other evidence to the contrary.

But if that is so, if global warming causes terrorism, then I think the Democrats need to answer this question: why does global warming only turn Muslims into terrorists?

There are Jews in the Middle East and Africa. There are Christians in the Middle East and Africa. There are animists, Zoroastrians, Hindus, and others. But only certain Muslims, often from wealthy families, turn into terrorists. The Jews, Christians, animists, Zoroastrians, Hindus, and the rest never seem to be affected by global warming in that way.

Perhaps instead of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to explore why lesbians are fat, the federal government should spend some cash on why global warming turns only Muslims into terrorists."
Well, send me a couple hundred $K and I'll be happy to write up a "scientific" analysis. For another $100k I'll even throw in a graph.

1 comment:

Robert Coble said...

Stan, you are way too low on the Dirksen/Sagan Scale to attract any notice for your Federal grant proposal. You are going to have to raise your consulting price to Federal standards. The MINIMUM that must be requested (especially for such important research) must be 7 figures. A couple hundred thou won't even cover the cost of writing the grant request and response. Think BIG, man! Also, throw in some global climate change and some cis-hetero-normative verbiage and I guarantee you will soon be awash in big bucks. They will start chasing after you to give you grant money.

An aside about things I learned while looking for something else. . .

Everett McKinley Dirksen quote:

"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."

You absolutely cannot make up stuff like that!

I sometimes wonder if Yogi Berra was his unofficial speech writer.

"You can observe a lot by just watching."

"It ain't over till it's over."

Yep. Get out the popcorn!